Things Are About To Get Wild
If you came to this article expecting a scathing critique of Naughty Dog’s ‘The Last Of Us Part 2’, you have come to the right and wrong place simultaneously – but don’t leave just yet. The Last Of Us Part 2 has two giant flaws that need discussing, like two morbidly obese elephants who just munched on your Christmas dinner. Strap in folks, we are about to leave our safe spaces.
You. You are the flaw. The person who clicked on this article with a giant raging monster chub ready to gush all over their keyboard because some bearded twat with a basic understanding of the English language decided to validate your beliefs. You, my friend, are one of the largest issues this game has ever – and will ever – face. Your utter disdain for this game corrupts the minds of the innocent, and turns them blindly towards your hateful vendetta against whatever thing you decided to get vexed over that day.
Maybe “She-hulk” makes your rock hard shlong shrivel and die, maybe Joey-boy getting his manly face caved by a woman makes you feel all insecure. Maybe you just hate the story because everyone else hates the story and you want to be a cool dude. Contrarianism is the in thing, so why not ride that bandwagon into the distant sunset. Honestly, I don’t care why you don’t like this game. The way you compose yourself is ludicrous and diminishes any valid point you may actually have.
You. You are the flaw. The person who clicked on this article with the rage of a thousand Karen’s burning within their heart. The person who is ready to set fire to someone because they didn’t like the masterpiece you decided to erect a statue for. You, my friend, are one of the largest issues this game has ever – and will ever – face. Your utter disdain for everyone who doesn’t share your love for this game is narrow-minded nonsense at best. Railing against any poor sod who simply thought the game was alright, and not a masterpiece makes you look like rampaging thunder-cunts and diminishes any valid point you may actually have.
Who cares if Charlie from the East End thought the plot was a bit ham-fisted and the characters’ relationships were a tad forced? Why get in a tissy if somebody didn’t like the gameplay, or if somebody thought Ghost Of Tsushima was better? Stop circle jerking and realise that people don’t have to like what you like. How about realising that going on like a twat is hurting the game you are trying to bloody well defend.
I for one thought The Last Of Us Part 2 was a good game. It was one of the better games I played this year. You know what boils my bloody piss? The fact I can’t blooming say that without some cock-womble from Flaw 1 telling me I’m a douche or some waffle-hound from Flaw 2 calling me a transphobic woman-hater. Apparently, you have to flat out love or hate something otherwise you get smacked in the dingus by both teams.
Clearly, things are getting out of hand. People, for whatever reason, have forgotten what it’s like to discuss things. To debate. It’s just a bunch of children screaming on Twitter begging their e-daddy for validation. Well let me tell you something, no e-daddy is going to protect you from my mild disapproval, mate. Has Covid ravaged the minds of once rational human beings and turned them into mindless lunatics? It bloody well seems so.
So, as someone with divine authority over the internet – due to the fact I have just written a bunch of words – I merely wanted to say: get over yourselves. The lot of you. We all know Hades was the best game of the last year. Anyone who denies this fact should be prepared to receive a really stern look and a disapproving head shake. Honestly though, do I give a flying hoot if you agree with me? No. The things I love don’t get diminished because Susan got a semi after seeing Tom Nook in HD. Now bugger off and say sorry like good girls and boys.
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